the_central_library | Video

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[Deciding a mass introduction would less painful and awkward the video begins a little unfocused and shaky at first. Yes. He's really that nervous.]

"Um....hi-Hello. My name is Sebastian Carter Hokori-Anderson."

[He really shouldn't have shared his full name he decides suddenly, covering the video image with his hand for a moment. Deep breath and a bit of an adjustment before the video stabilizes again.]

"I'm sort of n-new here. I've been here for a short while. I mean before the Bambi Squad...But I didn't really... I mean I was there. In Yosemite. And here in the Library before...."

[He's not even face to face with anyone so why is this so difficult? Sebastian can feel the signs of an anxiety attack building and tries one last time before cutting off the video.]

"I thought I would introduce myself."

[He can't imagine what else he could possibly say so he immediately ends the video.]

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I don't mind how it looks but the glitter gets everywhere.

[Yes, he knows what he just implied.]

Maybe the glitter focuses his magic so his hair can stay up in spikes no matter what happens on a hunt.

[Alec may not be tactful or the type to flatter people, but he certainly had a talent for making someone smile. It's such a foreign feeling after so long, but familiar at the same time. His smile both hurts and feels good, is confusing and disorienting, but is definitely genuine.]

"I retract my previous statement. I might reconsider bringing back one container of glitter hair gel from my next shopping trip."

[Alec recognizes that the smile is probably the first real one that Sebastian has given anyone in a long time. It almost startles him since it's unexpected but he grins, relieved that talking about Magnus hadn't indirectly hurt Sebastian.]

You'll be Magnus' new best friend if you do. I think he almost misses the hair gel more than his magic.

[Maybe it was odd to think so, but Sebastian had to agree with Magnus. It was the simple things he missed. His clothes, his shampoo, his soaps, his socks. His cello. Music. So many little things.]

"May I ask...how did he lose his magic?"

[Not being able to charge is phone or iPod or his laptop, but in a magical library it didn't make sense that magic itself would be affected.]

He lost some of his magic when he arrived here. Back home he's...

[Pausing, he tried to think of the best way to explain it but the first thing that comes to mind is his boyfriend's 'Better than Gandalf' coffee mug or the debates over Dumbledore vs. Magnus he's heard.]

He's one of the most powerful warlocks in the world.

[His expression falters slightly. Some of the light that always brightens his eyes when he speaks of Magnus dims.]

He gave up a large part of himself to be here with me.

[That alone made Magnus pretty amazing. There weren't many people, not those he'd met in his lifetime, who would be willing to make those kinds of sacrifices.There was only person he knew of who would.]

"When I told my father...that I was...I am...My father decided I wouldn't return to the private school I had been attending for three years." [Deep breath. He could do this. He could share this with Alec. Because it was Alec.] "I didn't tell him that my best friend was also..."

[Regret. Guilt. So much he would change if he had the chance.]

"I didn't tell J-Jack why I couldn't come back. And I thought I would never see him again. Jack was smart, really smart. But he asked his parents to buy a house near my family so he could finish high school with me. He moved across the country and changed his plans for university...for me."

[One of these days they were going to have conversation that didn't involve tears.]

"Magnus chose to be here with you."

[Sadness turned to understanding as he realized how similar things had been for him. His father hadn't been that bad but then Alec had almost run away after coming out and then he'd been trying to save the world. There hadn't been time for Robert to try to keep him away from Magnus.]

My father didn't want to accept I was gay. He kept asking me what he did wrong to make me gay. He still gets that way sometimes. There's nothing wrong with it, Sebastian, or with what you did. I don't know if I would've been able to tell Magnus the truth of Robert had done something like that.

[But he didn't doubt that Magnus would have let him go if Robert had separated them.]

He sounds like he was an amazing person. He cared about you if he did all that so he could stay with you. That's not something to feel guilty of or ashamed of. Love is not something to regret no matter how it ends. I don't think he'd regret being with you if he did so much so that you two could be together.

[Letting out a sigh, Alec ran a hand through his hair, not noticing that it was now standing on end.]

He did but sometimes I wonder...

[Sebastian pushed those memories back again. There were too many things he hadn't been capable of dealing with. But somehow being here in this place, with people like Alec, he felt like he was being unraveled piece by piece. And he honestly wasn't sure it was a bad thing.]

"Sometimes you wonder?"

[Wiping away the tears he added quickly so there wouldn't be any misunderstanding:] "It's...You don't have to talk about it. I just...I'm...I want you to feel like you can talk to me, too, and not...I don't want to be a burden."

I wouldn't tell you things if I wasn't willing to talk to you about them. And I don't think you're a burden. You're one of the people here that I've been able to tell about home.

[It was one of those 'odd' things about Alec. He didn't understand small talk or not being direct. Suggesting a topic then refusing to discuss it wasn't something he'd do unless he'd been enchanted.]

I wonder if he's happy here after giving up a major part of himself. But I guess it's the same as me deciding being shunned would be worth being with Magnus.

"You should ask him."

[Softly spoken, but said with the sincere desire to help if he could. All the things he never said or should have asked Jack. Things he wanted to know. Things he wanted to say. He never imagined there would be a day without Jack in his life.]

"Are you happy?"

Magnus doesn't really like to talk about things like that.

[He was getting better at it but Alec had the feeling that it was still something that Magnus struggled with. After keeping so much of himself private, protected, it wasn't easy for Magnus to tell anyone certain things no matter how much he loved them.]

I am. I miss my siblings and my friends but Magnus is here. I was willing to give up everything for him once. He tried to do the same for me.

[Which really should be the answer to whether or not Magnus was okay with losing his magic.]

The Library fixes some issues that our relationship had.

I know that you're still grieving but are you content here at least?

[That was a question he wasn't sure he had an answer for. It was still hard to let himself feel things. There were better distractions, nicer people. It was an adventure he never could have imagined having.

Sebastian looked around himself, giving Alec's question serious consideration so he could answer honestly.]

"I would trade everything I have right now to be with Jack. But...I'm not...unhappy. I miss my cello and my wardrobe and...but they don't mean anything to me without him. I'm trying...to make things mean something again."

[Some days more than others. Some days he thought the hole left inside of himself was too big and he didn't want to try at all.]

[The question was tactless and Alec knew it but it is also one that he needed the answer to. If Sebastian was unhappy, he'd find a way to help.]

I know you would. If I could help. If I can help help, I will.

[Which worried Alec in some ways since he knew of beings who could promise that to Sebastian. Hopefully the Librarians could keep those beings out.]

The portals might open to a world where you can get a cello.

[He hoped that it would be soon. Alec missed music more than most things from his world.]

And the wardrobe... I want to see you and Magnus go shopping.

[Sebastian was absolutely hoping for the chance to go through the portals again. Especially with someone who appreciated shopping as much as he did. If he could find a cello to bring back to the Library...

He'd play for Alec and Magnus.]

"You already help, Alec."

[But he wasn't sure he could explain how or why without possibly making Alec uncomfortable or causing a misunderstanding.]

"Are you sure you can handle a real shopping adventure? You bought hoodies from a tourist shop."

[He really sincerely liked Alec.]

I'm glad I do.

Just because I prefer hoodies and sweaters doesn't mean that I don't know how to deal with Magnus and fashion. He used to have a pair of rainbow leather pants.

[He still teases Magnus about those pants even if they had looked good on him. He was probably the only person who could pull off clothes like that.]

Are you prepared for the kinds of things he'll suggest?

[There's only a few people that Alec teases. It still surprises him that Sebastian had ended up on that list so quickly.]

"'Used to' is the important part of that sentence."

[Sebastian was confident in his fashion choices and shopping abilities.]

"The real question is he prepared?"

[And then he smiled. A real smile. It was painful and good and it made his heart beat faster, but for a moment he smiled. Because rainbow pants were ridiculous and Magnus reminded him a little of Jack and so did Alec. Like bits and pieces of Jack were everywhere.]

He still owns them. He just didn't bring them with him.

[Alec had hoped that he'd be able to get Sebastian to smile. When he did... It was good that Alec had had that talk with Magnus because he'd be feeling guilty right now. He grinned a little foolishly before he gave himself a mental shake.]

I'm just going to sit back and watch the battle of wills. Don't be surprised if you end end up in eyeliner and sequins.

"Don't be surprised if I don't. I wore a suit to my first day at Kindergarten."

[But he was certainly looking forward to meeting Magnus and having this battle of wills. He missed clothes.]

Who said you wouldn't be in a suit while wearing the eyeliner and sequins?

[Sebastian's face is a clear and definite no. He's not even going to answer verbally because suits and sequins do not belong together.]

[Alec fights back a smile and almost wishes he was joking but Magnus would find a way to make it happen if only to get that reaction from Sebastian.]

Which part are you freaking out over? The eyeliner or the sequins?

[Sebastian pretended to give it some serious thought before saying confidently:}

"Neither. Because neither are going to happen. I'm not Adam Ant and the Disco era died out for a reason."

You never know, you might look good in eyeliner.

[Okay, so Alec might have developed a fondness for eyeliner. It looked hot when it was done right and Magnus knew how to make it look good.]

He managed to get me in both. Not at the same time but it did happen.

[Sebastian looked skeptical about looking good wearing eyeliner. But the way Alec worded things he couldn't help blushing and fighting back a smile.]

"Sounds as if his he has serious persuasive skills."

[He was imagining a few ways Magnus may have convinced Alec. Which was totally inappropriate, of course. And it caused a bit of an unexpected ache in his chest.

Jack had been very persuasive.]

He does when he sets his mind to something.

[Watching Sebastian, he was beginning to realize why Magnus liked making Alec blush regularly.]

The Jägermeister helped too. I'm not sure what color you'd end up with. Maybe golds or greens.

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